Letter from Sachiko with pages missing

...the anticipation cruelly betrayed me.
When Henry kindly took a boat out to tell you that I came to see you, I nearly wept for joy, but he told me that you had switched work shifts with your friend and couldn’t leave the ship. I reluctantly gave up meeting you in Osaka and went to Kobe next day and waited for you. To my disappointment, it was such a windy day that the wind speed over the ocean was 20 kilometers per hour. I figured I wouldn’t be able to see you then and decided to wait yet another day, praying for our reunion.

You never showed up at Mama-san’s house in Kobe , though. I was dying to see you again – I had been taking English conversation class every evening and studying so hard just to talk to you even in broken English. You and I speak different languages and have different cultures and customs. That may be part of the reason that we might have misunderstood each other, but I was just so upset and exhausted both physically and mentally.

What a tragedy – I had such huge expectations from self-serving pretension. My sorrow and anger has been taken over by hate. Why didn’t you see me? While I gave you the benefit of doubt thinking that you may have had so much work and been unable to leave the ship, I also wrapped myself up in paranoia that you had somebody else that you wanted to see.

I have to forget about you as if nothing has ever happened. I can still control myself with reasons. My heart is broken in pieces, but I want to say this – I regret my imprudence and ask you to return my picture.

Sachiko

P.S. I never lose my pride as Japanese.


(translated by Maki)

found letter at Alameda Flea Market
Sunday, Feb 5, 2006